The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
