I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
