There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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