I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
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