can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
