just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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