i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I know her cup size but not her name....
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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