Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
