I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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