I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
