I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
