So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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