Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
my liver is dry heaving
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
