I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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