the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
