that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
