the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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