friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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