you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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