He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I came so hard my ears popped.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
