Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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