in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
