I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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