tonight lets celebrate not being married
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
