omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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