is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
