The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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