So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
