yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
