people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
