So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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