How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
