I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
there is glitter all over my balls
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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