So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
