the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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