But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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