Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
