Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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