just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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