I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
