it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
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