i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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