once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
