you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
