Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Girls should come with a carfax report
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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