Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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