I wish I could punch you in the face.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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