Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
