Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
