I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
