her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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