Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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