tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
