...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
